i'm not really sure why i write about this. this is not important. it just something i barely do. being very HONEST to MYSELF.
i used to say in tears,
as long as you happy, i'll be happy or i'll force myself to be happy.
for once in my life,
i look into someone eyes to see either what the person told me true or not.
and my heart told me ; please pray he is not happy with that girl because we just hate her.
i looked into your eyes and asked "Are you happy?"
you smiled and looked at me "Yes, I am."
there is something shining in your eyes and i looked at you while i hold my breathe.
and i hold my tears. i know at that time that you are happy. very very happy.
i nodded and I said slowly, very slow "Ok then..." I take a deep breathe and said without looking at your face "... if you are happy, you should proceed."
you wanted to tell me more about your first date but the lecturer just enter the classroom.
and what a relieve i felt when i learned that lecturer just come in.
i never speak about that with you anymore because i just cant.
im avoiding the topic,
even it hurts like hell, i do pray for your happiness sincere (surprisingly)
then i told myself, if you happy maybe i should learn to like that missy.
i mean, if you married to that missy is that mean the end of our beautiful friendship?
i even thinking either i have the guts to go for your wedding with that miss (omg, i feel so much fool right now)
but few couple of weeks back i heard your 'happiness' seems not really spark anymore.
guess that what i saw at your eyes before just a temporary shine.
it just didnt last longer like i imagined.
and i dont know either to throw a syukur-party or to lean my shoulder.
but i never asked how are you doing after the break-up.
i never even speak a word about that.
because i think i just let the grip loose.
i smile and i missing everybody.
everyone that turn my life a chaos at campus.