Saturday, April 30, 2011

Confession : Teardrops on My Guitar

semalam time br sampai library, call mother.
saja2 nak cakap dengan Ain sebab dah 2,3 hari dia tak call merepek meraban.
but then Ain takde, balik kampung her mother.
so, sembang2 kosong ngan my mother.
tapi dengar suara father sembang ngan orang lain lagi kuat dr suara mother.
lalu mother pun berkata " hang bukan tak tau suara Abah hang,"
then i bye-bye her and hang up.

tapi lebih kurang 5 ke 10 minit pastu mother call balik.
pelik gak sebab i ngan mother kalo via henpon mmg tak banyak bersembang.
must be something dia nak story mory kat i.
like i guess lah kan, mmg pun. rupanya nak cakap my Maksu (widow) nak berkahwin early June ni.
katanya kahwin ngan orang Terengganu.
mother maybe xleh ikut sebab ada sedara lain pun buat kenduri and kerja lagi.
then maybe Abg Li ngan Kak Zila lah kot yg akan follow rombongan datang Terengganu.
mother suruh i ikut.
its a good thing gak kalo i ikut sbb maybe i leh singgah rumah sewa ambik barang,
tapi that weekend of June 4th, lots of my friends getting hitch lah.
most of good friend lak tu.
some of them memang mother pun kenal.
sembang2 semua pasal kahwin and in the end of the conversation she said something that trust me, i wish i never heard from her.
"hang bila pulak?"
noted this : tanya i sambil suara gelak tersipu sipu gatal gatal tau!

ohmygod, mother? she will be the last person that i will discuss about those things.
we are good but she never ask me anything about this before.
i selalunya akan ckp ngan Kak Zila or sometimes Kak Lin or sometimes kalo habis terpaksa ngan Abg Jon. and recently i got more comfortable to talk with Apat about this stuff. yeah, he is one grown up man ok.

when mother mula sebut pasal ni, its weird and i dont know why, i dont where this come from but AKU RASA SUSAH HATI woi!
the respond from the sibling, they said "of course mak risau. u getting older and ur friends dah kahwin."
getting OLDER? sighhhh.. seriously?

let me write whats in my mind right now.

its all about COMMITMENT and READY.
i saw all of this.
im not trauma of phobia or whatsoever.
it just, what we talking here is about commitment.
are you ready enough to wake up and see someone else next to u? are u ready enough to get up and make a breakfast? are u ready enough to involve urself to other family? are u ready enough to give full commitment and loyalty to ur other half? are u ready enough to share everything with someone else?
i know ni semua remeh. but think, how many pasangan muda yang kahwin end up macam2 masalah.
of course ada yang bahagia and lucky for them.

jangan cakap i memilih because im not.
apa yg beza i ngan orang memilih adalah i tak mainkan perasaan orang lain.
if my heart belong to someone else, how can i accept other's just hoping that i can get rid of those feeling?
itu menggunakan orang lain and paling teruk u mainkan perasaan orang lain.
i bukannya kayu or batu yg takde perasaan nak suka kat orang lain.
aku pun manusia, pompuan normal.
i just face one little problem :
how lah kan, it always happend, bila aku nak kat kau, kau taknak kat aku. 
=.='

pas talking to mother, i directly sms my dear friend, Zam.
her respond pun not good enough "series la, u yg reject, rmai je kawn time std."
gosh, reject? she talking AUTA there.
refer to the above paragraph statement, line 3.

sighhh, mother, u shouldnt start talking about this.
i have one more paper.
one more.

ok, im gonna live like a normal person.
happy and happy.
study and learning.
and im waiting for the right one to come.
i know he is out there.


Xoxo
its hard "U" know? "seeing" u with someone else and have to fake to love it. damn hurt. :'( 

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