Monday, May 25, 2009

me vs marriage

hai..

dulu, time i little girl dulu,i ada dreamed of a perfect, wonderful wedding..i want a perfect man stand beside me bila i tengok pengantin bersanding, i nak pakai baju cantik2 bila i kawin nanti [white cream still my favorite color!!] time tengok majalah pengantin and kalau tgk nona i cuma tgk part wedding jek [smpi skrg gak hehe]. alah, rasanya suma girl pun macam tu kan?? sape tak penah terfikir benda tu kan??hehe it's a very nice day bila kita fikirkan hari perkahwinan,,bila nak bertunang, menikah and hari kenduri..kalau dalam byk2 part tu i paling suka tgk bila time nak nikah..very touching and best lah haha kalau wedding mat salih lak, i paling suka tgk bride berjalan to the aisle..very romantic and sweet..igt tak citer bride wars??sweetnya..hehe you all jgn pelik lak nape lah aku ni bebel pasal kahwin ni hehe no, no, i?? tak lagi,,jauh lagi..
why i sebut hal ni..my friend asyik sebut nak kahwin, nak kahwin walhal calon pun tak ada lagi. umur muda lagi, i tanya dia nape nak sangat2 kahwin..maybe dia anak sulung and tekanan nak kahwin tu dah terasa..tapi for me kalau nak sgt kahwin, must prepare diri dulu..dari hal urus diri sendiri, nak urus hal hubby, urus hal rumah lagi..kalau duduk dgn kawan2 boleh ler nak semak-semak..itu tak kira lagi yang kahwin terus pregnant and dpt baby..it's a commitment..i tak tahu i ni type yg takut dgn komitmen or just belum berfikir lagi..maybe i takut or maybe i tak rasa pape lagi sbb i belum jumpa yang betul2 kot.hehe

im 23..just 23..i have a career and i bukan duduk rumah goyang kaki..banyak lagi plan dalam hidup..baru2 ni sorang cousin yg baik ngan i time kecik dah bertunang and coming soon sorang lagi cousin yg mmg rapat ngan i akan bertunang gak..dulu bila housemate i, huda bgtau everytime dia dgr kwn2 dia engage ada satu perasaan yg tak tahu mcm mn nak gambarkan,,yeah, i feel that now. kinda hurt, like losing someone..i think harder than i 'lost' my first brother when he got married..sigh, ntahlah i know perangai ni childish tp that's me. try to change but cannot change..

and because of the engagement[S] of those girls i rasa my mum pulak semenjak dua menjak ni macam nak tolong cari jodoh kat i..sigh..kalau tak my mum tak lah wish 'cepat dapat jodoh' time bday i ritu..terkezut aku dibuatnya, i mmg tak penah sembang hal2 cintan ngan dorang..pelik tau tak..haha ntah lah macam mana nak ckp..y'all paham2lah..i sorang je daughter dia, pastu anak2 kwn dia suma dah smpi seru, tercabar minda kot hee lagipun, my 2nd bro pun coming soon december ni..i'm going to 'lost' another important guy in my life 'again'!! but this time i think im more matured than last time...hehe and kesimpulannya, - mak, i tak desperate nak settle down..nak kahwin, then dapat baby..very not me right now..i like babies but it's a different commitment kalau baby tu baby kita..senang ckp, i belum ready lagi..hehe ntahlah..

any advise??

xoxo

No comments: